Deciding to date as a single father in Canada can be an intimidating but rewarding experience. Any new romantic relationship requires an emotional and financial investment and this gamble is even riskier when you have children, for you must also consider their welfare.
If you still want to take the leap, the internet is a viable path to romance. Brave the online dating world and learn where to meet prospects, what to say, when to introduce a date to your family, and how to protect your kids while finding love.
Are Single Dads Desirable?
Yes, single dads are desirable to many people. Everyone has unique dating preferences.
Getting romantically involved with a single father comes with strings attached, no matter how you slice it. Stigmas surrounding single fatherhood persist. Dating you often means stepparenting and dealing with your ex-partner at some point, which may bring unwanted drama into your current relationship.
Still, there’s a market for you. Some people may gravitate toward single dads for various reasons. Fellow single parents may prefer someone who’s in the same boat and build a blended family. Childless and unmarried dating app users may find you appealing for being mature and responsible.
Mistakes Single Dads Make When Dating
Being off the market for too long can make you rusty. Unfortunately, relearning the tricks that landed you a partner before won’t necessarily lead to romantic success this time around. Knowing what not to do is instrumental in determining what to do, so avoid these common mistakes.
Dating Behind Your Children’s Back
Inform your kids when planning to return to the dating game. Witnessing their reactions to the idea can help you gauge whether they’re also ready to see you with someone else. Remind them that they’re the most important people in your life, but, at the same time, you’re an individual who wants to find a partner.
Predicting how they would react can be challenging, so don’t get your hopes up. Suppose they’re receptive — great! If they’re less enthusiastic about it, respect their responses. Give them time to process what you’ve said and come to terms with your dating plan.
Entering into a new romantic relationship when your children aren’t mentally and emotionally ready may appear as a betrayal of their trust.
Advertising Your Kids
Avoid displaying photos of your children on your dating profiles. The sight of kids on dating apps or websites is incongruous. You’re also inadvertently putting your children in harm’s way. People from all walks of life populate dating apps and sites — including sex offenders. You don’t want your kids to be on the radar of malicious characters.
Instead, ensure your profile highlights your passions to spark interest. Many Canadians value and celebrate individuality, so telling the dating world you love pursuing your interests is a plus.
Focusing Too Much on Other Single Parents
Ruling out non-parents is unwise. You do yourself a disservice when you intentionally limit your romantic opportunities. Although it’s fair to believe other parents would understand your situation better, you shouldn’t assume they have similar life experiences as you.
Be more flexible to explore more possibilities and expand your horizons. Besides, your parenthood can spark the curiosity and fascination of childless eligible prospects, which can get your foot in the door.
Not Making Time to Date
Dating is time-consuming — it’s even more exhausting when juggling it with your parental duties.
Manage your time well if you want to succeed in finding a romantic partner. You can’t nurture meaningful relationships when you keep canceling dates. It sends the wrong message, making your prospects feel unimportant.
Lying About Fatherhood
Not announcing your status as a single father right away differs from denying being a parent. You’d have to share this fact eventually. Let it come from you to avoid breaking trust and arousing negative emotions on your date. Be transparent about it when asked or when you feel it’s the right time to mention having children.
Being able to confidently tell a potential romantic partner about your kids indicates that you’re pursuing the right type of relationship and that your heart is in the right place.
How to Meet People Online
Many single dads who plan to seek romantic prospects online immediately think of using dating apps and sites. While these platforms are excellent matchmakers, avoid discounting your existing network.
Forging more profound relationships with current connections instead of strangers is the path of lesser resistance — don’t be afraid to take it. Revisit your friends and followers on social media to see which ones are single and might be yearning for what you want.
Maybe an old college acquaintance is available. Perhaps your attractive former colleague is also back on the market. Rekindling your affection for an old flame from high school could work if the two of you are wiser and more mature this time. Unless you purposely want to start with a clean slate, touch base with the prospects you find within your network.
Dating requires emotional and financial investment, which can drain your limited resources when simultaneously spent on multiple prospects. You may prioritize your most desirable pick, risking ghosting or backtracking on your efforts on the rest. In the end, you’ll have fewer options when your bet doesn’t pay off.
If none of your romantic pursuits with your existing connections pan out, try your luck on dating services. Choose a site or app carefully, as each caters to specific niches. You don’t want to be on a platform for hookups when looking for a serious relationship.
Read reviews and testimonials to compare dating services properly and determine which ones have the kind of prospects you want.
How Single Dads Can Protect Their Kids When Dating Online
Your happiness and your children’s safety aren’t mutually exclusive. You can enjoy a healthy social life and meet new people while protecting your kids from potential online dating dangers.
Envision Your Ideal Stepparent
Getting back in the game to find a romantic partner as a single father also means searching for a suitable stepparent for your kids. It may involve trial and error since you rarely immediately stumble upon the right person.
Not everyone is cut out for stepparenting, so you must carefully choose who to date for a long time. Find someone who’s open-minded, patient and supportive. The ideal stepparent respects boundaries and your parenting style to minimize conflict. This person should also love kids and not play favorites at home, treating their biological and stepchildren equally.
Meeting a decent human being willing to accept the stepparent’s role to make your life better is easier than ever. The internet enables you to date outside your immediate area and dramatically expand your pool of prospects.
Keep Your Social Media Accounts Private
Removing evidence of your children from dating apps and sites means nothing when your social media accounts are open books.
Your dating profiles can be a gateway to your other online presence and, by extension, your personal life. Some predators join dating apps and sites to find single parents and get a step closer to children. While offenders usually target single mothers, don’t let your guard down.
If you post frequently on social media, anyone can learn your child’s identity and personal details. As a responsible single father looking for love, maximize your social media account’s privacy settings to keep you and your kids safe. Teach your kids how to behave responsibly online and warn them about the internet’s risks.
Think Twice About Taking Your Date Home
Wanting to bring your date home while protecting your kids’ privacy is tricky. Your home contains clues about your kids — family pictures, school documents and trophies. Your electronic devices are a treasure trove of information about your children.
Observe tried-and-true electronic device security practices, such as setting biometric authentication and hiding sensitive files. Although snoopers can also bypass voice recognition technology and unlock your screen with six attempts 99% of the time, not letting your electronics lie unattended can thwart privacy breaches.
When to Introduce a Date to Your Family
Introducing a date to your children can be exciting, but don’t get ahead of yourself. Let your relationship last about 9-12 months to test its strength and learn more about your new partner before officially letting an outsider into your family.
More importantly, ask your young ones if they’re ready to meet your new flame. Considering this is a significant milestone, don’t force your kids when they’re not psychologically prepared to see this new chapter of your life.
After seasoning your new relationship enough and receiving the green light from your children, inform your ex-spouse about the meeting. Introduce one another in a neutral environment and make it brief. Gradual integration matters, allowing all parties to adjust slowly but surely.
Get Your Priorities Straight When Dating Online as a Single Dad
Dating is challenging by nature. The internet and children complicate things further. One thing is clear — finding love as a single father can get innocent people hurt if you’re careless. Keep your priorities in mind to chase happiness successfully.
Jack Shaw is the senior editor of the men’s lifestyle magazine Modded and an advocate for men’s mental health. He has written extensively on the issues faced by single parents and those struggling with trauma, mental health disorders, and more. His tips, breakdowns and personal experiences have been published in TinyBuddha, Calmerry, The Company of Dads and more.