I am pleased to introduce this Part 2 post from my good friend and guest blogger, Patricia Morgan, MA CCC. Patricia is an amazing and inspiring therapist, author and speaker. I highly recommend checking out her website for an incredible amount of positive and actionable information. Learn more at solutionsforresilience.com

With loving kindness,
Coach Billy

Men’s Unique Struggles with Negative Self-Talk

For many men, negative self-talk is fueled by societal expectations. Men are often taught to be strong, independent, and self-reliant. Emotions like vulnerability, fear, or sadness are sometimes viewed as weaknesses. These thoughts can be relentless, and they shape how men perceive themselves in the world. They can prevent men from asking for help, embracing vulnerability, or taking risks—all essential components of a successful, fulfilling life. Over time, these limiting beliefs become internalized as core beliefs, deeply influencing a man’s choices, behaviors, and relationships.

How to Reprogram Negative Self-Talk in Men: A Step-by-Step Guide

Reprogramming your thought patterns is possible, but it takes time, persistence, and a willingness to question deeply held beliefs. Here are five steps you can take to challenge negative self-talk and build empowering core beliefs:

  1. Notice your self-talk
    The first step is awareness. Pay attention to the thoughts you have about yourself, especially when you feel frustrated, anxious, or disappointed. Is the self-talk critical, judgmental, or discouraging? Identifying these thoughts is crucial for transforming them.
  2. Name and write down the negative beliefs
    Once you’ve noticed the negative self-talk, write it down. Label the wounding thoughts and core beliefs that you carry with you. For example, if you often think, “I’m not good enough” write that down.
  3. Say “Stop!” and ask yourself, “Is that true?”
    When you catch yourself thinking negatively, say “Stop!”—then challenge the thought by asking, “Is that true?” Often, you’ll realize that these negative thoughts aren’t based in reality but are old patterns that no longer serve you.
  4. Replace with nourishing thoughts
    Once you’ve identified and challenged the negative self-talk, replace it with supportive and empowering thoughts. Write them down and even post them somewhere visible. Examples might include: “I am capable” or “I am learning and growing”.
  5. Take action based on your new, empowering thoughts
    Your new self-talk should inspire action. When you begin to believe you are capable, take steps to prove it. Whether it’s taking on a new challenge at work, asking for support, or pursuing a new interest, healthy action choices will reinforce your nourishing beliefs.

As Norman Vincent Peale, the pioneer of positive thinking, said, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” By transforming your self-talk, you can change your reality.

Core Beliefs: The Foundation of a Positive Mindset

To help you with the reprogramming process, here is a list of common negative core beliefs and their empowering replacements:

Negative Self-Talk/Core Belief Nurturing Self-Talk/Core Belief

I am inadequate. I am capable and resourceful.
I am worthless. I am worthy of love and respect.
I am in danger. I am safe and in control of my life.
I am powerless. I have the agency to shape my destiny.
I am a failure. I can learn from mistakes and succeed.

Negative Self-Talk/Core Belief Nurturing Self-Talk/Core Belief

I am unloved. I am lovable and deserving of love.
I am selfish. I know what is important to me, and I honor it.
I am lazy. I am motivated to pursue my goals.
I have to be perfect. I can embrace mistakes and learn from them.
I did something wrong. I did my best and I am always growing.

Be Patient and Persistent in Your Journey

If you’ve spent years cultivating negative self-talk, it won’t vanish overnight. However, with persistence, you can create positive, empowering thoughts that will begin to better serve you and your relationships.

A Helpful Step: Seek Professional Support

While changing your self-talk is a personal journey, working with a counselor or therapist can accelerate your progress. Counseling provides a safe space to explore and challenge deep-rooted beliefs, helping you process past trauma and form healthier, more positive perspectives. More and more men are awakening to the healing power of therapy for themselves, their partnerships, and children.

The Bottom Line

Men often struggle with negative self-talk and the pressure of societal expectations, but the good news is that it is possible to change. By identifying and challenging limiting core beliefs, you can replace them with empowering thoughts that encourage growth, self-compassion, and resilience.