I am pleased to introduce my good friend and guest blogger, Patricia Morgan, MA CCC. Patricia is an amazing and inspiring therapist, author and speaker. I highly recommend checking out her website for an incredible amount of positive and actionable information. Learn more at solutionsforresilience.com

With loving kindness,
Coach Billy

Negative self-talk is an issue that affects everyone, but for many men, the inner critic can be tough to silence. The internal voice that tells us we’re not good enough, capable enough or deserving of success and love may have roots in our childhood or past experiences. While both men and women are vulnerable to negative self-talk, men face different pressures that can intensify these negative patterns. Calming these self-sabotaging thoughts and replacing them with self-supporting thinking is essential for building a healthier mindset and therefore more successful lives.

Let me share a personal story that sheds light on how easily negative self-talk can take hold. One day, I was in the kitchen cooking when I accidentally left the cupboard door open at an awkward angle. My husband said, “One of these days, you’re going to hit your eye on that.” In an instant, my mind reacted with thoughts like “I’m so careless”, “I’m always messing things up” and “I’m just not good enough to manage simple tasks”.

This wasn’t the first time I’d heard this voice, and it certainly wasn’t the first time I’d struggled with messages of inadequacy.

Understanding How Negative Self-Talk Develops in Men

For men, negative self-talk often takes on a more self-punishing tone with external and internal pressures. From a young age, many men are taught to suppress emotions, hide vulnerabilities, and ‘tough it out’. Sayings like ‘suck it up buttercup’ and the meaning behind them can create an internal, self-doubting story and the fear of feeling or showing inadequacy or vulnerability (acknowledging emotional wounding).

The patterns of negative self-talk in men can show up in these ways:

  • Perfectionism: Believing that mistakes equal worthlessness or failure.
  • Aggressiveness: Men are often conditioned to ‘man up’ and suppress emotions. Consequently, negative self-talk might sound like “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I’m weak for being upset”. Lashing out quells these feelings temporarily.
  • Fear of Failure: Anxiety and feeling overwhelmed may develop with the pressure of succeeding. A man may start to think, “If I fail, I’ll be a disappointment to everyone” or “I’m not good enough to accomplish this”.
  • Self-Criticism, Comparisons and Imposter Syndrome: Men may often compare themselves to others, leading to thoughts such as, “I’m not as successful as him” or “I can’t measure up”. Imposter syndrome is when someone persists in thinking they are a fraud in one or many areas of their life and will soon be found out.
  • Lack of Self-Care: Men simply don’t take care of themselves because constant self-criticism results in a person not liking who they see in the mirror. We take care of what we love.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and How It Helps

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a psychological tool used to help individuals identify and change negative thought patterns. By recognizing when negative self-talk surfaces and replacing it with more self-supportive thoughts, men can begin to transform their internal dialogue.

For example, when I caught myself thinking, “I’m so careless” after my husband’s comment, I consciously shifted to a more rational thought: “That’s not true. I can learn from this and be more mindful next time.” Instead of internalizing the error and attaching it to my worth, I reframed the thought in a more constructive way. This practice is exactly what CBT helps with—challenging the distorted thinking that holds us back.

How Negative Self-Talk in Men Shapes Core Beliefs

Here’s how the process typically works:

  1. Triggering Event: A situation arises that leads to a negative thought. For example, a missed opportunity, an argument, or even a minor mistake at work.
  2. Planted Thought: The negative thought takes root. If the event happens at a particularly vulnerable time, or if the thought resonates with past experiences, it can begin to influence the way you see yourself.
  3. Thought to Belief: Repeated exposure to negative self-talk reinforces a belief. The more often the thought occurs, the more it feels true.
  4. Reaction (Behavior): The belief impacts your actions. In men, this can manifest as withdrawing from social situations, avoiding new challenges, or a reluctance to ask for help—believing that needing support is a sign of weakness.

Typical Men’s Negative Self-Talk

  • “I’m not good enough.”
  • “Looking for help and support means I’m weak.”
  • “I can’t fail—failure means I’m a failure as a man.”
  • “I’m not as successful as other men, therefore I’m worthless.”

Changing Core Beliefs: The Power of Awareness and Reframing

But here’s the good news: it is possible to challenge and change those old, limiting beliefs. The key is recognizing when negative self-talk arises. This is the awareness part. Once we notice our sabotaging thoughts, we can replace them with a healthier, more balanced perspective. Here’s how the reframing process looks:

  • Awareness: I’m noticing my negative self-talk.
  • Negative Belief: “I’m weak and I can’t handle this.”
  • Reframed Belief: “Everyone struggles and it’s okay— I’m capable of finding solutions.”

This simple yet powerful practice can rewire your thinking over time and create lasting change. The more you challenge the negative voice inside your head, the more you’ll build a mindset that supports growth, resilience, and self-compassion.

It’s critical for men to recognize the power of words—whether spoken by others or internalized from past experiences—and to take responsibility for how they respond to them.

By learning to challenge negative self-talk and cultivate more positive and balanced thoughts, men can break free from the cycle of self-criticism and build a more resilient, empowered mindset. It takes time and effort, but the rewards are worth it.

In the end, the goal is to replace “I’m not enough” with “I am capable”, and to embrace growth rather than perfection. The good news is that with awareness and effort, men can reprogram these damaging thoughts and replace them with more empowering, positive beliefs.

For more details and help in this area, look for A Step-by-Step Guide to Reprogramming Negative Self-Talk, in Part 2 of this blog post.